17 September 2009

Who is in control?

I am normally pretty even tempered, but I was downright frenetic. I was pacing around the house without purpose, unsure of how to proceed. I had happily volunteered to write the brochure for our church's capital campaign because I am good at such things. I have always seen myself as a "go to" guy, but right now, I was falling fast.

I spent the better part of an hour engaging in a random string of the following behaviors: I would sit down at the computer to type, move to the table to write, sit in my recliner to read, pace around the house--over and over When I realized I had written nothing, my pacing essentially took over. I then began to consider the deadline impossible to meet and to wonder what I could say to the team, how could I tell them that I had not fulfilled my duty.

I finally reached my breaking point. I sent out a request to the team asking them to pray for God's divine guidance in writing. More imporantly, I got down on my face and prayed to God from my brokenness that I felt completely unable to complete this task and that I needed Him.

Within about five minutes, I was reminded by two Godly women (Debra Holmen and my wife) that my focus was wrong. They gently reminded me that I could not write this on my own, but needed to seek God's wisdom. Debra shared with me Ephesians 3:20--"Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." My first thought was, "duh" followed briskly by "Father, forgive me for not seeking Your wisdom from the start."

I sat back down at the computer and the words flowed. Within a matter of a couple hours, I had the entire thing done. I was again amazed at God's unbelievable power and yet more amazed that I consistently forget about it and true to do life on my own.

Just a day or two later during my quiet time, I was reading Jeremiah 32:27 and I think God brought me to this verse to try to set this in my mind a little more firmly. The verse reads, "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too hard for me?"

I am fully aware that it was through God's abundant goodness that the brochure was written, yet I am also fully aware that I will probably forget this again the next time around, and the next. I just pray that God remains patient with me as I learn to trust in His perfect providence.

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