Heather's August 4 update

WOW the adoption roller coaster never ceases to amaze me. So here is what has happened since my last e-mail.....



We received all our needed documents for our dossier and sent it to our home study agency!


We sent out our I600 form to USCIS (it is basically a form that pre-approves us to bring a foreign child to the US) and we received confirmation that is was received and being processed.


So now what right? So here is what is next....

1. Our dossier has to go to the State of WI for authentication. I am not sure what that does other than cost more money!

2. Then the dossier goes to the Haitian US consulate for more authentication.

3. Then our dossier gets translated into french.

4. Then our dossier is sent to our orphanage!!!

5. After that there is a lot of court stuff but these are the steps we need to pray for at this time.


We are also waiting for our I 600 approval...

1. Now we are waiting to get our finger printing appointment.

2. Once we are fingerprinted then we wait for our approval.


As soon as we have our dossier at the orphange and our I 600 approval then we can go visit the children. We are hoping to travel for a visit at the end of October!!!! Also once all of our paperwork is in country then we would be allowed to bring home our children on humanitian parole if there was another massive natural disaster.


I had a neat experience today that was totally God created. We are in the process of starting to gather fabric to make more pillow case dresses to give to the girls in the orphanage. Someone had posted on freecycle that they had fabric to give. So I went to pick it up today and met a woman named Cecile that had a beautiful accent but I couldn't place it. Then she started speaking french to her children! I couldn't believe it. Finally someone who speaks french! After talking to her I found out that her husband was a doctor and she used to be a french translator for the U of M and they would be happy to translated our referral papers! They also have a five year old daughter who would love to have a friend who speaks their language! Plus she wants to help us make dresses! How cool is God! I was just giddy as I pulled out of her driveway.


Some of you may know that Tropical Storm Emily is on its way to hit Haiti tonight. Port-Au-Prince where our children live is at the most risk at this point. Most people have chosen not to evacuate. Reserves are on guard to help as soon as it is needed. There will be flooding at the very least. I have no idea how safe the orphanage is from flooding. Please be praying for the orphanage and staff as well as the people still living in the tent cities.


So please pray for

1. Our dossier to get authenticated quickly with the State of WI

2. For us to get a quick date for our fingerprinting

3. For tropical storm Emily to sprinkle a light rain across Haiti tonight so that everyone is safe.


Thank-you for your prayers. I can't wait to update you and tell you the answers to our prayers!

Heather

Urgency-part 2

When Heather and I decided to actively pursue the adoption of Tessa, we became aware of several other orphans in need of families. The agency we are working with even sent us video of a malnourished little boy who recently came into their care. As the doctor examined him, he maintained a happy disposition, but he was so weak. When lifted from the bed, he appeared as a damp rag, his body giving way to gravity without capacity to fight against it.

Though she already views Tessa as one of our children, this fragile little boy also found a place in Heather's heart. Our intention has always been that we will adopt again, but Heather wanted to pursue this little guy. She prayed to God that if He wanted us to adopt him as well, it would be clear. Our social worker in Eau Claire told us that they do not like to do "artificial twinning" and so recommended against it. Heather then shared these thoughts with Sue, the Ethiopia coordinator who is helping us to bring Tessa home, who deferred to our social worker. I felt as though God had decisively answered, "not yet". Still, Heather did not relent, asking me again if we should press the issue.

All of this led to a discussion of God's timing, male headship, and the call to adopt. In Adopted For Life, Moore wrote about the sense of "survivor guilt" that is sometimes experienced by adoptees, who wonder why they were chosen and what has happened to those left behind. I believe Heather's sense of urgency represents a parallel process--the desire to adopt as many children as possible, to pour herself out for them, yet wondering, worrying, about those who remain orphaned. I also feel a sense of urgency to care for these little ones, but as the visionary and leader of the family, I responded to Heather with a decisive "no," and gently (I hope) confronted her on how her persistence challenged my leadership, the clear message from the social workers, and God's apparent plan. She apologized and we talked about the interaction, but it has remained on my mind today and I needed to share the following with her:

Heather, I pray that through these conversations, you can appreciate that I share your sense of urgency to adopt. Without doubt, your perseverance in prayer over the past many months changed my heart such that I am becoming a passionate advocate for adoption--globally, locally, and at home. Largely because of you, I am all in. I ask that you continue to trust my direction, timing, and Godly vision for our family. Likewise, I will continue to cherish your passion, love for others, and willingness to pray continually for me, knowing how monumentally God directs my heart because of your fervent prayers. Love.

Adopted for Life-Chapter 7

"Often I'll preach in churches about the Lord's Supper and will call on the congregations to go back to using a common loaf and a common cup, with the bread being torn, not daintily picked up in prefabricated bits, and with each person drinking the wine and passing the cup along. I don't mind folks disagreeing with me on this. I'm just stunned by the reason they most often give for dismissing this ancient Christian practice: germs. The common cup is, well, gross to many Christians because they don't like the idea of drinking after strangers. That's just the point though. You're drinking after your own flesh and blood, your family." (Moore, p. 178)

Moore's seventh chapter is about church as a family of Christ, and its role in adoption. Too often, church is an assembly of acquaintances who dress up to stand next to one another on Sunday mornings for an hour or so with ignorant disregard for what is going on the rest of the week. These congregants are unconcerned with one another's needs and often are unwilling to roll up their sleeves and get to work together. In those churches, the Lord's supper is compartmentalized, much like their Christianity. Trays of dainty cups and cubes are passed down the aisle to be consumed because the Lord commanded it, but with no real understanding about what it means.

I do not think how the Lord's supper is observed is how Jesus intended that night in the upper room. He was with His dearest friends. They were eating together. In Luke 22:15, He said to them "I have earnestly desired to eat this passover with you." He wasn't looking ahead to the church calendar so that he could avoid eating with his band of brothers; he wanted to commune with them, to connect and be with them before he entered his darkest hour. You see, that is why it is called communion--not simply because we are remembering what Christ did, but because we are communing with our brethren, as we remember.

In my heart I desire to celebrate the Lord's Supper the way Moore describes it. I want my church family to be an integral part of our adoption. I want them to be praying for us when someone in the family is sick. I want to be there for them when they are hurting, not just skimming the surface, but getting beneath the crust. I want to share their excitement when they get engaged, I want to cry with them when a loved one dies, I want to pray with them when they are feeling discouraged. I don't want to think about their germs, I want to earnestly desire to eat with my church family, as Christ did.

Adopted for Life-chapter 6

"She actually had a measuring tape, for the baby's head. I didn't know who this woman was, but I was disgusted. The woman with the measuring tape said she wanted to measure the craniums of their potential children 'to make sure there is nothing wrong with them.' Another told us that this was her third--and final--trip. The first two adoption referrals she had received had severe and obvious 'attachment issues,' and she had turned down the children. It seemed to me that she was sizing up a litter of puppies or browsing through a line of secondhand refrigerators." (p. 148).

Chapter 6 deals with tough issues, which all of us going through the adoption process think about to some degree. I could easily look at Moore's paragraph above and join him in his revulsion, thinking to myself, "what kind of Cretan would bring along a measuring tape?!? Scientifically, there is no real connection between cranial size and intellect anyway." But the reality is, I face those uncomfortable biases in myself as well. Through the encouragement of some dear friends, we felt called to special needs adoption, specifically Down Syndrome, but I would share the same hesitations as the second woman above regarding a child with "obvious attachment issues." I am not sure how my hesitations fit with Matthew 25:40 where the King will say, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me," though I believe God reveals to us His will for each of our lives and that it will not look the same for every person.

These differences in perspective become apparent when you interact with those around you. Through our adoption process, we have variably considered: international, sibling group, transracial, and special needs adoption, eventually being led to adopt a little girl who is transracial, international, and has special needs. It has been a learning process for us to observe the reactions of our friends and loved ones each step of the way. For example, long ago, God created in my mother a heart to care for "the least of these" and she feels the same sense of urgency waiting for our daughter that we do. On the other hand, Heather's parents expressed impassioned reservation about adopting a special needs child and they have been slower to warm to the idea, but we can see their hearts softening. A good friend of ours told us that he could never love an adopted child as much as "his own children." All of these are valid responses and I have no right to feel my perspective is superior to anyone else's.

What I do know is that God has called our family to special needs adoption (Luke 14). Although we will continue to consider the thoughts and perspectives of others, we are doing what God has called us to do. On page 158, Moore wrote, "if your parent or grandparent or some other family member rejects your child on the basis of his or her race [or I would add whatever background], then your first responsibility is to the child." I resonate with this and I think deep down, the people who know us well agree with the principle, even if they don't agree specifically with what we are doing. My prayer though, is that through this adoption, we show Christ to our family and our community, but most importantly, to our child.

God, I pray that you would be working in me.

Ready me for the challenge of becoming a father yet again.

Teach me to love as You first loved me,

with unreserved compassion and patience.

Not only for my children,

but for others who cross my path.

Grant me understanding and mercy

when I become frustrated with attitudes

I perceive contrary to your own.

Forgive me in those circumstances

for feelings of righteous indignation

and help me to recognize

that it is only by Your grace that I have the privilege

of serving You in whatever capacity you deem fit.

I pray also that You would be working in your church

to care for the fatherless.

Create a thirst in individual hearts

and in the church to bring orphans home,

to pour out Your love on those less fortunate,

so that we may be seated together

at the marriage feast of Christ.

Open our eyes to see that great need exists

outside of our homes and churches,

and that by extending ourselves through your grace,

we can live out the Great Commission

to those who need it most.

Adopted for Life-chapter 5 (redux)

I love when reading of God's word intersects with what is going on elsewhere in life. I know that God speaks to us through His word, but sometimes, it is evident that His word is timely and specific.

Throughout chapter 5 of Adopted for Life , Moore touches on the many decisions that we encounter in the adoption journey. I was struck by his chapter conclusion, "One's life story is typically made up of little decisions...The most important thing for you to know about these decisions is that whatever you decide, you're not going to wreck God's plan for your life. Whatever your views about how God's kingship fits with human freedom, you know as a Christian that God is at work in bringing about his good purposes for you. Your decisions fit, mysteriously, into that overall plan." (p 144).

At the same time as I was contemplating this life of decisions, I began studying Ephesians again. In the first chapter, Paul wrote about predestination. Actually, the power of the first chapter slipped by me the first time, but when I went back and looked again, I was blown away. Beginning in verse 4, it reads, "In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will." Through the metaphor of adoption, we learn that God chose us for His family according to His purposes, but I wondered, what does this passage say about our decision to adopt?

Here is what I came away with:

It is easy to get overwhelmed by all of the decisions we face. Sometimes they are little ones, like "chocolate or vanilla?" and sometimes they are big, scary, life altering decisions like "should we adopt?" The implication of those decisions become so much easier to deal with when we recognize that our sovereign Lord has a grand plan. As Christians, we were lovingly adopted into God's family, through Christ's death and resurrection, according to the purpose of His will "before the foundation of the world" (verse 4). So, too, the decisions we make every day are a part of God's plan and, as Moore points out, we're not going to "wreck" it. We should take comfort in our own powerlessness knowing that we have a God whose good and perfect will far exceeds our own fallibility.

Adopted for Life-Chapter 5-the Big Red Ball

Moore writes, "It is true that your social worker may see things very differently from the way you do, especially in the matter of discipline. Your social worker may give you advice about parenting, and some of the advice may sound insane to you. One of the social workers with whom we interviewed recommended that we should not use negative words, such as no, with the children. She counseled that we find positive ways to rephrase things so as to avoid 'breaking the child's will." I asked her what we should do if the child were doing something we thought could be dangerous and she replied, 'Well, sometimes it's good to find things to distract the child like, say, a big red ball.' When she left, I told my wife, 'I do not ever want to be caught in a dark alley with that woman's children.' Maria quipped, "At least not without a big red ball.'" (p. 132).

This was a major concern for us when we first met with our social worker. We knew that, inevitably, a discussion about childhood discipline would arise. We employ many techniques in child rearing, including spanking. There are frequent mandates in the book of Proverbs to spank children including, for example--"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (13:24). When it finally came up, thankfully we avoided a ridiculous discussion like the one above.

Interestingly, in 1979, the Swedish government made spanking illegal. This website cited research that, "one year after this ban was adopted, the rate of child beatings was twice that of the United States. According to a 1995 report from the government organization Statistics Sweden, police reports of child abuse by family members rose four-fold from 1984 to 1994, while reports of teen violence increased nearly six-fold."

If you want to learn more, read here, here, and here . Even better, go spend some time with families who employ Biblical discipline with their kids or adults who were spanked (not abused) as children. You will find secure, confident, and disciplined individuals.

Adopted for Life-Chapter 4

• "The galloping forward of such technologies means that we may one day see a world in which only Christians have Down syndrome babies in their strollers, only Christians have bald little girls fighting through chemotherapy, only Christians have little boys in 'husky' size paints struggling against childhood obesity. What an impoverished world--for all of us--that will be."

We are faced with a world in which reproductive freedom is combined with advancing technologies and may lead to designer children. The "good" children will be kept and the genetically undesirable will be killed. This may be yet another attempt at making ourselves perfect through good works, in this case genetic manipulation. Pray that this does not happen.

Ecclesiastes 7:13 "Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?"

Adopted for Life-Chapter 3

On page 79, Moore writes:

• "An orphan protecting adoption culture is countercultural--and always has been. Some of the earliest records we have of the Christian churches speak of how Christians, remarkably, protect children in the face of a culture of death pervasive in the Roman empire. The followers of Jesus, though, did not kill their offspring, even when it would have made economic or social sense to do so. This is still distinctively Christian in a world that increasingly sees children as, at best, a commodity to be controlled, and at worst, a nuisance to be contained. Think of how revolutionary it is for Christians to adopt a young boy with a cleft palate from a region of India where most young people see him as 'defective.' Think of how counterintuitive it is for Christians to adopt a Chinese girl--when many there see her as a disappointment. Think of how odd it must seem to American secularists to see Chrisitans adopting a baby whose body trembles with an addiction to the cocaine her mother sent through her bloodstream before birth. Think of the kind of credibility such action lends to the proclomation of the gospel."

Christians are often accused of being exclusive and judgmental or perhaps even racist and hateful. What would it say to the world about what Christianity really is if we took it upon ourselves to look after the "least of these?"

Adopted for Life-Chapter 2

"When Maria and I first walked into the orphanage, where we were led to the boys the Russian courts had picked out for us to adopt, we almost vomited in reaction to the stench and squalor of the place. The boys were in cribs, in the dark, lying in their own waste.

"Leaving them at the end of each day was painful, but leaving them the final day, before going home to wait for the paperwork to go through, was the hardest thing either of us had ever done. Walking out of the room to prepare for the plane ride home, Maria and I could hear Maxim calling out for us and falling down in his crib, convulsing in tears. Maria shook with tears of her own. I turned around to walk back into their room, just for a minute.

"I placed my hand on both of their heads and said, knowing they couldn't understand a word of English, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." I don't think I consciously intended to cite Jesus' words to his disciples in John 14:18, it just seemed like the only thing worth saying at the time." (Adopted for Life, page 25).

I was choked up as I read this yesterday. Jesus tells his disciples that he will "not leave us as orphans." We will not be left behind, yet how many children today are left behind because it may cramp our lifestyles? I pray that the church moves mightily to care for the fatherless.

Adopted for Life-Chapter 1

I just started reading Russell Moore's Adopted for Life. In it, he writes about the role of adoption in the Christian life. I hope to share some of my thoughts about it here. I just finished chapter 1. He gives a good summary of what, in part, this book is about.

But this book is also, and perhaps most especially, for the man who flinches when his wife raises the issue of adoption because he wants his "own kids"--and who hates himself a little for thinking like that. It is for the wife who keeps the adoption application papers in a pile on the exercise bicycle upstairs--as a "last resort"--but who is praying fervently right now for two lines of purple to show up on her home pregnancy test. It is for the single twenty-something who assumes that he will marry after a couple of years in the post-college job force, find a nice girl, have a honeymoon for three or four years, and then they'll start thinking about getting pregnant. It is for the pastor who preaches about adoption as an alternative to abortion on a Sanctity of Human Life Sunday but who has never considered how to envision for his congregation what it would mean to see family after family after family in the church directory in which the children bear little physical resemblance to, and maybe even don't share the skin color of, their parents. It is for the elderly couple who tithe their Social Security check, dote on their grandchildren, and wonder how they can tangibly help the young couple who ask for prayer every month that they might be parents--and who never seem to show up for Mother's Day services.

I definitely can see some of myself in this first chapter. I hope to discover more.