This morning, I read an excellent essay by Tim Challies entitled I Failed Him. It is an essay about his failure to share the Gospel with a man who is hours, perhaps days, from death.
Challies wrote, "So now I sit here at the time when it is too late, wondering why I did not do more. Sure I told the family that I was praying for them and asked if I could pray with them. And sure I tried to get Mike to think about preparing for eternity. But I did so in such a pathetic way. Such a half-hearted way. I burn with shame as I write these words thinking of all I didn’t do and didn't say. I feel burdened with guilt that Mike is days or maybe even hours away from standing before God, and that I did not make one clear, strong presentation of the gospel. I failed him. And I failed God."
As I read these words, I was convicted. I felt that internal tug that so often shows up when I read words like these. I was reminded that God commands me to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with the world. But then doubt crept in, as it always does. Doubt not in my God, but in myself. In my ability to "package" the gospel; to present it in a way that people will respond.
On a very personal level, this essay hit home today as well. As I read it, I was reminded again to pray for Heather's dad. I have been praying for several years that he would come to know Jesus. I have been praying for just the right time to share the Gospel with him, hoping that in the mean time, my life would somehow lead him to ask me about Jesus. Thus far, it hasn't.
In the late morning, Heather called to tell me that her father had a heart attack and was having surgery. I just kept thinking, "but God, Tim isn't saved yet!" He is now in the ICU and recovering with the expectation that he will go home on Thursday. Already, Satan enters, whispering, "Tim will be fine. Don't worry, you will have lots of time to work on your new marketing campaign. He's going to reject the gospel (i.e., reject you) anyway so why do you want to wreck that relationship? Give him plenty of time to recover. Years, perhaps decades will probably be required."
I pray, yet again, for gospel boldness. I pray that the name of Jesus--not just the less threatening words like God, or religion, or even Christianity--is ever on my lips. I pray that I speak the good news without hesitation. I pray for words that make Jesus look good without caring whether or not I do. I pray that I don't forget that the eternal salvation of those I love is much more important than my temporal comfort.
I pray for the boldness of Paul.
To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. -Ephesians 6:18-20
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