Monochrome

Feeling gray in a sea of colors
your sadness monochrome;
shiny, happy, joyful others,
yet you feel so alone.

How can they grin and laugh
while you are sad and low?
You hate their smiling masks,
they see you, don't they know?

You force a smile and put on cheer
'tis better to pretend,
if they can't join your misery,
you'll act like one of them.

A world full of actors,
portraying joy unshaken,
meanwhile 10,000 hurting people
feel utterly forsaken.

The Invisibility Cloak

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids--blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be healed?" The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me in the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going down another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, "Get up, take up your bed, and walk." And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.-John 5:2-9

Hopelessness is a terrible thing. It is dark. Oppressive. Under the heavy cloak of hopelessness, there is no apparent relief. Just pain. The news of Robin Williams' apparent suicide yesterday was just one more story of many lives affected by depression.  Mr Williams, one of the funniest men who ever lived, struggled with depression. When most of us think of his career, we remember Mrs Doubtfire, Mork from Ork, or the Genie from Aladdin, but I wonder if the opening scene from Patch Adams better captured his reality.  If you cannot recall the scene, he admitted himself to a psychiatric hospital in the midst of a significant depression.  He "acted" depressed really well, perhaps because he understood.  

But it is not just Robin Williams who struggled with hopelessness and depression. The world is full of people who deal with dark thoughts every day. Some may describe feeling blue or down in the dumps, but for many, the darkness is much more oppressive.  Those battling hopelessness really see no way out. Death would be a relief. 

Unfortunately, hopeless people often feel invisible. They look around them and see other people living life, apparently happy, and they struggle to understand. They may ask, what is wrong with me? Why can't I feel happy like everyone else? Why is it that nothing will ever get better for me? 

I began this post with what is becoming one of my favorite Bible stories. It tells of a man at the sheep gate who I think struggled with hopelessness. He had been an invalid for 38 years and he had no one to help him get into the pool for healing. Bodies stirred all around him, but he had no one and no hope of getting any better. He was invisible. 

And then Jesus took notice. He asked him if he wanted to be healed. The man did not simply respond, "yes." His response reflected his hopelessness. He essentially said, "I don't have anyone to help me and I can't do it on my own." He felt lonely, invisible, and hopeless.  

Jesus did heal him, but do not skip past the relational aspect. Yes, Jesus was God and could heal miraculously. But he didn't need to speak to the man to provide the healing. He could have done it from afar, yet he approached and relationally engaged with him.  Jesus peeled back the invisibility cloak and connected with a hopeless man.  

Each of us can do that as well.  You are surrounded by more hurt, anguish, depression, anxiety, fearfulness, shame, and hopelessness than you can possibly imagine. Get into the habit of slowing down, looking around, and listening to people. Resist the temptation to offer a solution. Instead, offer an ear, a hand, or a touch. Practice moving toward people, seeing beyond their invisibility.  Help people to understand that they matter.

A video about teenage depression

Here is another winner from David Murray. 

Book Review: When the Darkness Will Not Lift

It has always seemed to me that John Piper, in many regards, understands depression or melancholy better than many pastors do.  Perhaps it is because he has admitted his own tendencies to struggle through some dark nights. When the Darkness Will Not Lift (2006), a short, 79-page book that was originally appended to another book When I don't Desire God was a treatment he gave to the issue of melancholy.

In classic style, Piper harkens back to those who have gone before him, particularly the Puritans, in understanding depression. In particular, he brings up the wise writings of Richard Baxter, John Bunyan, and John Newton, to name a few. Piper recognizes that older writers often have much to say about the Christian life.

Piper has a particular way of knitting theology to life. He applies his understanding of the nature and character of God to the human condition.  While this is a strength, I fear that many people, particularly in the throes of depression, may miss the application of theology to their daily life.  Having said that, my desire is that more people would understand the importance of our thinking about God and how it can have a profound impact on how we live, even in the midst of darkness.

Are you depressed?

David Murray is, in my opinion, one of the wisest, most balanced pastors writing today when it comes to issues of mental illness and particularly depression.  He wrote a book entitled Christians Get Depressed Too that you should check out.  They are releasing a set of videos associated with the book.  This is the first one.



If you have struggled with depression, I would commend it to you.  If you don't know what depression is, I would commend it to you. If you are not sure if you are depressed or if you believe Christians cannot or should not get depressed, I would especially commend it to you. 

Great Counsel on Depression Medications

The more I read of David Murray, the more I appreciate him.  He is a pastor and professor (Old Testament and Practical Theology) who writes wisely about depression.  Today, he offered this excellent counsel to someone who has decided to go on medications for depression. 

He begins:
So sorry to hear you are still suffering in this way. But I’m very happy to hear that you are going to the doctor’s today. I know you are nervous but I wouldn’t worry about the visit – you will probably be just one of a dozen depressed people the doctor will see that week. He’s used to it.

I’m glad you are willing to consider the meds. The side-effects are usually minimal for most people and are often greatly exaggerated by opponents of medications.

Please take the time to read this piece. Also, if you are feeling depressed or anxious, please talk to someone--a pastor, a friend, or your doctor.  

John Piper on Depression

This morning, I was reading from John Piper's book Future Grace (1995) and he was writing about despondency. I appreciated this quote:

And it could be that brain research is in such infancy that even though we know a little bit about how chemicals can produce emotional states, we know almost nothing about the ways emotional and spiritual may produce healing chemicals? Could anyone disprove the possibility that being satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus has no physical effect on the body's production of natural antidepressants? Why should we not assume that the powerful affection of faith in future grace promotes even physical means of mental health? My own conviction is that when we get to heaven we will learn some astonishing things about the profound connection between sound faith and sound minds.

Some of this is indeed finding fruition in the neuroscience world. We are increasingly discovering ways in which  thinking does change neurochemistry. These findings are more and more robust.  I am eager to see how this changes with advances in neuroscience applied to the spiritual life. 


I have also benefited from this dialog between Justin Taylor, John MacArthur, and John Piper on the issue of discouragement. Not to discount MacArthur's experience, but I think that Piper's is more consistent with reality. 

Depression hurts

She asked me what I wanted to do and, through tear filled eyes, I responded, "I don't know."  I finally realized something was amiss. 

This summer, Heather and I were discussing details about selling our house. She asked me a simple question, though I don't remember what it was. I only remember that I felt frozen. I felt sad, but for no specific reason that I could identify. I could not answer Heather because I could not think of an answer. I didn't want to have to respond. It took too much effort. And so I started to cry, not just a little bit, I wept.

Augustine discusses the concept of being "turned in on oneself." That phrase captures how I felt this summer. I could not fully attend to those around me--family, friends, those I work with. I could not get out of my own head. I was relationally disconnected, even from those I love dearly. My wife and my mom both knew something was wrong, though I was not in a place where I could see it.

My ability to concentrate was poor. I am passionate about reading, but even those books I managed to get through this summer did little to hold my attention or interest. I felt guilty about many things. Shame blanketed me. I felt pretty worthless. I am not even sure I felt very hopeful that things were going to get better. I kept asking myself is this all there is? I kept admonishing myself to get better, to think my way into a better mood. But nothing worked.
 
God's people don't get depressed right?  We are saved by God for life eternal. What could be better? Jesus saved me.  There is nothing in my life that brings me greater joy.  Jesus has been the constant truth to which, or to Whom, I cling. Even in my darkest moments, he has been my joy.

But I would be lying if I said I wasn't depressed this summer. It would also be disingenuous if we perpetuated the idea that God's people are always happy.  Jeremiah was the weeping prophet. Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. Job--enough said.

David was a man after God's heart. He was the king of Israel. And yet, he lived through dark seasons. This morning I was reading Psalm 6. David said that he was languishing. This term suggests prolonged suffering. In verse 2, David wrote that his bones were troubled.  He was not merely sad, his body also was affected. If you talk to people who are depressed, you will discover that they can have a host of physical symptoms--aches, pains, weakness and much more.

But his depression affected not just his body, it affected his emotions. It affected his soul.  He felt deeply troubled and longed for God's deliverance. He could not stop crying. He was wearied with fatigue.

And yet, and yet, he hoped in the Lord. In his darkness, he looked to the light.

Christians Get Depressed Too

David Murray, a pastor and professor at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary, wrote a book entitled Christians Get Depressed Too.  Churches need to be educated about depression and other emotional issues so they know how to respond with the grace and compassion of Christ rather than adding to the shame and isolation that emotional issues often bring with them.

O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,

nor discipline me in your wrath.

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;

heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.

My soul also is greatly troubled.

But you, O Lord—how long?

Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;

save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

For in death there is no remembrance of you;

in Sheol who will give you praise?

I am weary with my moaning;

every night I flood my bed with tears;

I drench my couch with my weeping.

My eye wastes away because of grief;

it grows weak because of all my foes.

Depart from me, all you workers of evil,

for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.

The Lord has heard my plea;

the Lord accepts my prayer.

All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;

they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.
-Psalm Six

Spiritual Depression: Saying Farewell to Your Past

I have been reading D Martyn Lloyd Jones' classic, Spiritual Depression. In the second chapter, he wrote,

Would you like to be rid of this spiritual depression? The first thing you have to do is to say farewell once and for ever to your past. Realize that it has been covered and blotted out in Christ. Never look back at your sins again. Say: "It is finished, it is covered by the blood of Christ." That is your first step. Take that and finish with yourself and all this talk about goodness, and look to the Lord Jesus Christ. It is only then that true happiness and joy are possible for you. What you need is not to make resolutions to live a better life, to start fasting and sweating and praying. No! you just begin to say: 

          I rest my faith on Him alone
          Who died for my transgressions to atone.

Take that first step and you will find that immediately you will begin to experience a joy and a release that you have never known in your life before. "Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the Law." Blessed be the Name of God for such a wondrous salvation for desperate sinners.