SPENDING TIME WITH EACH OTHER
Ephesians 5:15-21—Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
God wants us to make the best use of our time. I think one part of that is marital togetherness.
1) We need to spend time with each other. We cannot communicate if we are not together. A) Daily-Our marriages and our communication will be much stronger if we connecting on a daily basis, even if briefly. In the category of “do as I say and not as I do” it would be beneficial to take even 15 minutes, send the kids away, turn off the TV and talk to each other. Just be together. You could do a short devotional. Ask each other how you can pray for each other. Hey, even better you could actually pray. B) Weekly (or so)-try to get away from the house for a date where you can visit and reconnect. If you can’t afford a babysitter, trade services with a friend. Common advice is to not talk about the kids, but frankly, if you are talking about anything, that is excellent. C) Annually (or so) Try to get away to do something you both enjoy. For an extended period. To reconnect.
If we are not regularly taking time together, we begin to live parallel lives. He has his hobbies and friends; she has hers—maybe. Too often, our society promotes rugged individualism for men. Watch the commercials during sporting events. Men are supposed to hang out with their buddies, either drinking beer or engaging in extreme sports. Wives are absent. It almost seems to be a sense of entitlement. “I’ve worked hard all day. I deserve to spend most nights out with my buddies, kicking a few back and playing games.”
Against that backdrop, a desire for marital togetherness is almost countercultural. However, God values marital togetherness. According to Deuteronomy 24:5, When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken. Read Song of Solomon—the husband and wife have a deep longing to be together. He is not merely waiting for the passage of time so that he can sneak off with his buddies. He has a passion to be with his wife. If we spend more nights with friends or pursuing hobbies than we do at home, we may want to rethink our balance.
The end of Ephesians 5 speaks of wives submitting to husbands, and husbands sacrificially loving their wives. Ephesians 5:33 says, “let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” That is a whole weekend conference in itself. In fact, Emerson Eggerichs has made a living out of conferences devoted to Ephesians 5:33. He has a useful book entitled Love and Respect. It is important to note, however, that God designed us in this way.
Folks, God’s word provides the tools for good communication if we seek to know them. The world suggests a different way, a way that too many people discover every day does not work. God designed us to love one another, submit to one another, and grow in unity.
I want to conclude today by going back to the middle of Ephesians. Right in the middle Paul drops in a prayer for spiritual strength. Ephesians 3:14-21 reads:
I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
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